Falling pregnant, and finding out you’re going to have a baby is the most wonderful feeling. But again, like pretty much everything else relating to motherhood, it does not always happen so easily. I have a lot of friends who struggled to fall pregnant. It seems almost so common to struggle to conceive. There are plenty brave women who fight the battles and endure so much to have a baby. I am privileged to know such strong women, to have heard their stories and seen their journeys. I have learnt about a mother’s fierce love and selflessness before even “meeting” their baby.
Our story was not difficult. It was a quick conception, and encouraging, I would hope, to many women as well. Sharing this story seems so simple. So “shallow”. The “easy” versus the “struggle” stories. But both are powerful. Both are encouraging. Both have their miraculous wonders. I would hope my story would encourage those who have been told that falling pregnant in your 30s is difficult. Dangerous. Struggle. Pressurised. Our story was a blessing.
I was prepared for a long wait. For endurance. Brendan and I decided that when I turned 30 we would “let it happen”. I thought if it takes me six months, or two years, I wanted to start at 30 (so we could fit in more kids in my thirties). I turned 30 at the end of August, and by the end of September, on our one year wedding anniversary, I found out I was pregnant.
That feeling was overwhelming. The stick turned pregnant immediately. Finding out is an incredible feeling. It’s a rush of emotion. You’re elated but nervous. Excited but overwhelmed that this is it.
For me, the timing was God’s kindness and attention to the details of my heart. My sister and her family moved to France the previous October. They had planned to come to JHB earlier in the year but felt they should come in June instead. I was heart-sore at the thought of having to wait longer to see her in the year. But my greatest gift was knowing that after that news, then falling pregnant, Harper was due in June. And they would be here. I felt cared for by God in that moment when I worked it out. So overwhelmingly LOVED by Him in the detail of bringing us altogether.
We spoke about keeping our pregnancy “hush or not” for the first three months. Our personal decision was that we would let it be in the open. We shared with family and close friends (and if it spread we didn’t mind). If I did miscarry, I did not want to experience that alone, or then have to announce I was pregnant only to state that I no longer was. I was happy that it would be a story of encouragement either way, to share how to deal with whatever was given to us, or taken away. It is a personal decision either way, and so important to feel comfortable with where you stand as a family on it.
We are so grateful for our little blessing, and I cannot wait to feel this moment again next time around.