Since becoming a mom I have learnt and experienced God as a Father in ways I have not interacted or fully known Him before.
Although I have shared some of these on Instagram posts or at church, I wanted to write them down to remember them.
Here are FOUR revelations about my love for Harper and our relationship and thus God’s love for me and our relationship:
- MY DEEP-SEATED LOVE FOR HER
I was standing in church, pregnant, feeling Harper move during worship. I was thinking about how much I love her. How I would do anything for her. How she is mine.
In that moment, I felt God show me how He loves me like that, but more. I loved Harper so much at that time but I didn’t “know” her. I had never met her. I had never had a conversation with her. I didn’t know what she looked like. How she felt about me. But my love for her was already unconditional.
Jesus knows me better than I will ever be able to know Harper. He knows the amount of hairs on my head. He knows my every desire and fear. He knows the depths of my heart. My thoughts. “O LORD you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up…you are acquainted with all my ways… even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether…” (Psalm 139). And He loves me. I am His.
When Harper was born she gave me nothing. You know babies – in the beginning they cannot hold up their own head or burp themselves – pretty much just adorable little blobs. She gave me nothing but I loved her and gave her everything. Whether I give Jesus all of me or none of me, He loves me unconditionally no matter what. He would do anything for me. And He did – on the cross, “For God so loved…”
- SHE CHOOSES ME
I started to notice awhile back that every time I put my arms out to Harper, she would stretch out her arms to come to me. To be held by me.
Sometimes she would have nothing, and when I called her and stretched out my arms to her, she would put her arms up to me to be held. Sometimes she was so engrossed in toys she was playing with, and when I stuck my arms out, she would look up at me back to her toy and back up at me again, and choose me. No matter how busy she was, her mood or situation, she chose me. She chooses me.
And it got me thinking. Am I like that with Jesus? Do I always choose Him? Do I go to Him when He calls me or stretches out His arms to me? Do I choose Him when I have nothing? Do I choose Him when I am so engrossed with my own stuff? Am I like the disciples who dropped everything to follow Him? Do I choose Him above all else?
I hope to live my days simply like Harper, where the choice seems so easy – of course my mama over everything else. Of course my Father over everything. To be like a child in my faith in this way.
- WHAT MY MAMA DOES
Harper has been at that stage for a while where she copies everything that we do. She mimics my facial expressions. She listens to my instructions and does what I ask her to do (like clap her hands, wave, blow kisses or stick out her tongue). She observes what I do and copies me, whether she knows what I am doing or not or where it is going. She watches me squeeze the bottle to wash her body that now she knows what it is for. She watches me put cards in a tin or touch my nose or draw with a pencil and paint. She does it all now because she has seen me do it.
It reminded me of Jesus, “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does,” (John 5:19) Do I do what I see Him doing? Do I know when He calls or what He says and do I do it? Do I copy Him because He is my dad? Do I trust to copy Him? Do I do what He does even if I don’t fully understand it?
I would hope that my actions and words flow from a taught heart (what my Father does) and not from my own arrogance that I know better than Him in anything.
- SHE KNOWS MY VIBE
I have spent every day with Harper since she was born. Because we spend so much time together, she has learnt how I do things. She knows the different ways I call her name and what they mean. She knows the sound of my footsteps when I am coming to chase her versus the sound when I am coming to her room to pick her up. She knows the position I put her in for her nighttime bottle. She knows how I hold her and the tone of my voice when she has to endure something she hates, like nose spray or a vaccination. She knows which facial expressions are for entertainment and which are disciplinary.
The key is that she knows me because we spend time together. Do I know Jesus like that? I know His voice and His ways when I spend time with Him. I begin to learn what His word means and understand His nature and character. I can discern His voice of favour and pleasure and those of stern conviction. I know His love for me when I know Him. I get to learn about trials but how He is always with me, like I am with Harper when I know she has to endure a needle for her better health and protection. I trust Him that He knows what He is doing, even if I hate it, like Harper hates certain things, but knows I am doing the best for her, and how much better she feels afterwards.
I am a work in progress. Now. Always. But I am so grateful to be able to learn and experience God so much in these ways since becoming a mama!
I would love to hear what you have learnt.